Category: ballet

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A somewhat out-of-the-ordinary weekend

Despite my protestations, it was nice to see the support from my sister and my friends from TP, Stanford, and CRA during the Sunday afternoon show. Thanks, all of you who came.

It was quite the week: five hours of rehearsals from Tuesday through Thursday, and then preparations and shows all Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The amount of work I had was also above ordinary, so I was working until 2 to 3 am early in the week. It’s probably the least amount of sleep I’ve had in a while. After that whirlwind week, I’m completely bored right now. I really dislike that sudden shift from superactive to lazy mode. I always get a bit depressed after finals or after completing a big project. The unwinding is just too quick.

I will say that my caligynephobia was tested to its limits this past week. It really was a pleasant and extremely informative experience overall, however. As one who actively avoids the spotlight, being on stage was quite the change in scenery. I don’t think I regret it, although these fb pictures might make me eat my words…

At times, I wonder what the point is when there are nearly 7 billion people on this planet; our individual contributions are minuscule. But sometimes, I can’t help but be amazed by the level of achievement that people attain everyday. That so many girls can dance at that level, requiring years of training, is pretty astounding if you stop to think about it. And while some are clearly very talented, these are not the creme de la creme of ballet dancers (this is no SAB).

The shows did not go perfectly, but I think they went well overall. Although it was a little saddening that the backstage crew packed away the nutcracker doll prior to the last show’s ending, so Clara was left nc-less for the curtain close. And there were a few minor slips and a missed entrance or two. And the end, though, I think I will remember: how the girls who weren’t dancing were cheering the others on, both in the wings and in the Green Room, especially when the ones onstage did things well; how they consoled each other when one was being particularly hard on herself after a slightest of mistakes; how the two girls playing maids looked like they were having the times of their lives in mimicry; and how all the girls got emotional onstage after the final curtain closed for the seniors who would be graduating and just finished their last nutcracker. Things like these truly warm the cockles of my cold, cold heart.

The most amusing part of the weekend: a 16-year-old girl, very pretty but somewhat ditzy, reading A Confederacy of Dunces.

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Turnout? More like burnout.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep doing this, and this time I’m not talking about continuing to live this horrid life. My ankles and knees feel like they’re chewed up. And something deep in my left hip hurts; it feels pretty sore. I try to figure out a movement that will make it pop like a knuckle, but I just can’t do it. Hopefully it’s not anything serious.

My old orchestra conductor had this theory which I believe is true and applies to the learning of any skill. That it sounds somewhat Kuhnian probably adds to its compellingness. It says that progress comes in steps, with plateaus in between. The point being that there will be long stretches of time when little or no progress is seen, but you just have to push through because eventually you’ll reach that next jump and everything will seem awesome for a short while again, until you get stuck at the next plateau; but at least you’ll be higher at that point, and somehow that signifies that you’ve accomplished something in life.

Okay, so I realize that in an adult class, you’ll have dancers of varying skills; sometimes, professionals also attend the open classes, and, while it’s fun to watch them, it’s also sometimes soulcrushingly disheartening. However, I feel like there is something to be done about the state of ballet pedagogy: no matter how many times you don’t teach me how to do a brise, I won’t be able to learn it. It also irks me that we only spend 2 minutes on each combination. I understand that the ballet vocabulary is large, but I can’t help wondering if it would be easier to learn things if we concentrated on one or two steps a class for 15 minutes. But really, what the hell do I know about such things? Maybe I’m just being impatient.

Work has also picked up a little, which may also be a contributing factor to the general increase in the level of my tiredness. And since it (viz., my tiredness) already started out at such vaunted levels, one cannot but think that that also contributes to a decided lack of vim in the later hours of the day.

Also, I’m beginning to get a little scared that I’ll fuck something up for my Clara and ruin a girl’s dream, etc. Even the gods don’t know how I’ll survive doing an acting role, or how I ended up in one…

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The Tide is Half High

Aside from the falling asleep utterly alone and contemplating the insignificance of our short lives, things are looking up, kind of:

  • Watching Never Let Me Go completely destroyed me emotionally and mentally for 3 days. I don’t know why I watch these depressing movies when I know I’ll just be depressed and sad for a long time afterward. A lot of critics disliked the muted emotional style that leads to suppressed empathy for the protagonists, but I thought it was brilliant. Maybe only introverts understand that inability to express emotions despite so desperately wanting to, or maybe it’s just me. Is it pathetic that I relate to this movie more than any other? Spoiler alert: it’s like the story of my life: life sucks, and then you die.
  • Stanford WVB lost to Cal. Sad times.
  • Saw the Saturday evening show of Ballet San Jose’s Giselle. Damn Groupon making me spend all my money. I thought it was decent, but not exceptional. For me, Alexsandra Meijer’s Giselle was just missing something in Act I (too happy? maybe it was the production itself?), although in Act II she was pretty good. The Act II lighting was also way too bright, and Amy Marie Briones’ Myrtha, while technically okay, was not convincingly and coldly dominant (at least compared to Sofiane Sylve’s). On the other hand, Nick’s dog Tasha made an appearance as the most well-groomed hunting dog ever, so that was pretty awesome. Although I do feel a little jealous that she was onstage in a ballet performance before me.
  • Speaking of which, how did I get conscripted into Nutcracker? Now I have no free time on Saturdays until December. I guess I don’t have anything better to do, but still… there are so many kids in it, it’s pandemonium, albeit a very balletic pandemonium. Reminder: come October, run away after classes faster.
  • Why is it so hard to work with dates and times in R? I feel like all this crap should be a lot easier to do. Or maybe I’m just getting dumber by the day.
  • Fantasy basketball starts tomorrow. I am excited. I went model-less this year because I was too lazy to create one, although my nominal excuse will be that I couldn’t find any projections data. It was a pretty harrowing experience doing the draft without the model, but hopefully things worked out somewhat okay. All my hopes lie in Wade and Granger staying healthy. And there’s always fantasy superstar Josh Childress. I hope he doesn’t stay injured too long.