Category: on my mind

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Looking forward

The weather has been gorgeous lately, and this first weekend after the spring show has brought with it some free time to recover before the next set of challenges that lie ahead. Maybe it’s not entirely satisfying, but it sure is relaxing to take three naps on a lazy Saturday afternoon. It’s probably for the best to catch up on sleep and prepare for the weekend of craziness (read: vegas) up ahead.

Saw the movie First Position with some friends, and it was kind of odd/nice that of the dozen people in the theater, half of them were familiar adult students. And Mountain View to San Jose isn’t that close. I suppose a ballet documentary is a niche film. Anyway, the movie was unexpectedly hilarious. Holy crap, Miko’s mom totally stole the show. She’s not just a stage mom, she’s an Asian stage mom. Total insanity. I think the documentary overall was rather well done, and did show the diversity of backgrounds from which these kids grew up. It does make me wonder, though, how some people are able to have this singular passion and focus so early in life.

My expat friend who’s living in Singapore came to visit the bay area on Friday last week. He proposed a rather epic food trip, of which we only managed to hit four locations, which isn’t that bad considering all this was before dinnertime: Tartine (breakfast pastries, SF), Bakesale Betty (Fried Chicken Sandwich, Oakland), Top Dog (hot dogs, Berkeley), and Arinell Pizza (Berkeley). We went for a walk through Berkeley campus as well. It really made me miss the Oakland/Berkeley area. But for the commute, I wouldn’t mind living there again.

Spending so much time within a 3-mile radius is really starting to make me feel claustrophobic. It sounds strange to say it, but I’m beginning to feel that I need to have a longer commute, to live a little farther away from work. Having a bigger place to live would be nice, too. My current living room is essentially dead space, so it feels like I’m trapped in a one-bedroom place. It’s a bit unfortunate that I won’t be able to find a house before my current lease is up. On the other hand, thinking about purchasing a place right now might be too big a distraction on the other things in life I should be focusing on.

The main point of this post, though, was to share the sentiments of my friend’s heartfelt email, which said that it doesn’t really matter where we are or what we do so much as we cultivate our friendships and relationships. I’ll admit that I cried a little when I read his email. Maybe I still have a long way to go before I can be at that stage where I can live for others and not for myself, but I’m trying.

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SFB Don Q

A small preface just to say that this was quite the weekend: rehearsal, what I think was a memorable birthday party for “Kevin”, Don Q. Also watched the first Harry Potter film. I guess I never realized that it was released the same year as Fellowship of the Ring. That’s kind of crazy to think about. It’s probably going to take me a while to watch the rest of the HP series.

Due to a rather late Saturday night, I unfortunately missed the SFB company class viewing at the WMOH. But I did make it to the show on time despite quite a bit of traffic in the city. I think I only missed one show out of the season this year. I feel relieved that the SFB season is finally done, at least from my season ticket perspective. If the status quo is maintained, I’m most likely not going to renew season tickets next year; the commute to sf is just too long.

I don’t think I would have made this post except for holy crap Frances Chung completely blew me away. It wasn’t pristine perfect, but, wow, she’s really proving her mettle as a principal. To say that I was a little miffed when she got promoted instead of Elana Altman would have been an understatement. But FC has been growing on me. There’s something about her dancing that sends shivers up my spine. I can’t exactly place what it is, but there’s a very crisp or fresh quality to her movement that consumes the stage. Maybe she’s developed a lot over the past few years, or maybe I just never noticed it quite so much before. Anyway, her Kitri was fantastic.

Vitor Luiz, who played Basilio, has got some hops. I think after this show, it’s safe to say that he’s a jumper and not a turner. I remember being impressed by his jumps the first time I saw him onstage, and here’s more confirmatory evidence. The guy gets crazy hangtime in his jumps, but some of his pirouettes were noticeably off balance. Still, he got through the Act 3 pdd and variation, even if he did look like he might have been out of gas by the end of it.

Also wanted to give a deserved (and compulsory) shoutout to Elana Altman as Mercedes. I still have a hard time not paying attention to her whenever she’s on stage. She just exudes so much presence and flair.

A final dancer shoutout to Koto Ishihara, who had the leggiest version of the Cupid variation I’ve ever seen. Like, most ballet dancers have pretty(,) long legs and crazy lines, but I nearly laughed out loud during Koto’s Cupid variation. How the hell are her legs so long?

The new costumes were very vivid. I don’t have a great memory of the old costumes SFB used in the last production, but the new ones were nice. The bridesmaids tutus were freaking adorable.

As a final note, it was really weird to watch Don Q after WB did it last year. It just seems so much more familiar now, despite rather broad differences in the (mutable parts of the) choreography.

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None Such Dreamers

I think the brunt of the storm inside my mind has passed. I must say that this past weekend was actually really, really nice, in addition to being quite hot.

  • Had a performance on Saturday which I thought went pretty well. There was a close call where one guy didn’t show up until like 2 minutes before we were supposed to get on stage, but everything worked out in the end. I really enjoy the BANDW show. It’s kind of a low-pressure environment and it’s fun to watch other groups perform as well. I even received some compliments, which is quite the rarity. Although to my chagrin, I think there is a picture with me in it on facebook.
  • Went for a short hike on the trails in Montalvo Arts Center, which was quite pretty. The trail was mostly shaded, which was nice because the day was mostly hot, mostly.
  • I spent a few hours house hunting on Sunday. Everything seems either kind of shitty or kind of pricey. I guess there’s no real way around that, though. Housing prices here are just so ridiculous.
  • I think I was also mildly productive at work today, which was a pleasant surprise. There’s still a neverending supply of tasks awaiting me, but it does feel good to knock a few things off my list.

I’ve been listening to Jewel’s “Goodbye Alice in Wonderland” on repeat. It’s such a simple song, but somehow so poignant, at least in my current mood.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-V7diWWlVg

I suppose the reason for this post is a call to action for myself. It’s been a hard lesson, but I think I’m beginning to come to terms with the fact that, in my stubborn state, I will never get what I want. Which is kind of sad because doing things my way has gotten me pretty damn far in life. Unfortunately, it doesn’t get me across the finish line. I guess I will have to start changing in order to get the girl…

Maybe my friend is right and there aren’t people my age that are still dreamers, that still cling to those idealizations we held as children or even teenagers. At what point did we lose that sense of belief and wonder, that crazy headstrong sort of love? Everything now seems laced with cynicism or ulterior motives. I’m not convinced that people get more complicated as they get older, but perhaps it is just the same reason why it’s harder for adults than children to learn new things: we overthink things, we get into our own heads, we get too comfortable in our ways, we know fear and disappointment.

And so maybe there aren’t actually people who believe in the things that I do, and that all I see are things that aren’t really there. Maybe hoping to be accepted while refusing to play by the rules is too much to ask. In many spheres, I would gladly accept the challenge of playing at a handicap, but in this I have no competitive advantage and no success. I suppose it really was “just a reflection of my lonely mind wanting what’s been missing in my life.”

Things will change, probably very slowly, but things will change. I’m looking at my new year’s resolution to take things to the next level, and it’s time to redouble my efforts. I’m not going to give up on this year yet.