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The Tide is Half High

Aside from the falling asleep utterly alone and contemplating the insignificance of our short lives, things are looking up, kind of:

  • Watching Never Let Me Go completely destroyed me emotionally and mentally for 3 days. I don’t know why I watch these depressing movies when I know I’ll just be depressed and sad for a long time afterward. A lot of critics disliked the muted emotional style that leads to suppressed empathy for the protagonists, but I thought it was brilliant. Maybe only introverts understand that inability to express emotions despite so desperately wanting to, or maybe it’s just me. Is it pathetic that I relate to this movie more than any other? Spoiler alert: it’s like the story of my life: life sucks, and then you die.
  • Stanford WVB lost to Cal. Sad times.
  • Saw the Saturday evening show of Ballet San Jose’s Giselle. Damn Groupon making me spend all my money. I thought it was decent, but not exceptional. For me, Alexsandra Meijer’s Giselle was just missing something in Act I (too happy? maybe it was the production itself?), although in Act II she was pretty good. The Act II lighting was also way too bright, and Amy Marie Briones’ Myrtha, while technically okay, was not convincingly and coldly dominant (at least compared to Sofiane Sylve’s). On the other hand, Nick’s dog Tasha made an appearance as the most well-groomed hunting dog ever, so that was pretty awesome. Although I do feel a little jealous that she was onstage in a ballet performance before me.
  • Speaking of which, how did I get conscripted into Nutcracker? Now I have no free time on Saturdays until December. I guess I don’t have anything better to do, but still… there are so many kids in it, it’s pandemonium, albeit a very balletic pandemonium. Reminder: come October, run away after classes faster.
  • Why is it so hard to work with dates and times in R? I feel like all this crap should be a lot easier to do. Or maybe I’m just getting dumber by the day.
  • Fantasy basketball starts tomorrow. I am excited. I went model-less this year because I was too lazy to create one, although my nominal excuse will be that I couldn’t find any projections data. It was a pretty harrowing experience doing the draft without the model, but hopefully things worked out somewhat okay. All my hopes lie in Wade and Granger staying healthy. And there’s always fantasy superstar Josh Childress. I hope he doesn’t stay injured too long.
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The Ebb and Flow

Life is one giant mess. I only hope it sorts itself out.

  • Another good friend is getting married soon. To say that I feel a little behind in the whole finding someone bit is the understatement of the day. But what’s stopping me, self loathing and risk aversion?
  • Ballet San Jose had a Groupon today for season tickets. Way to make me waste $100. My credit card bills seem to always be higher than I would like.
  • I feel like I’m manic depressive at ballet. The highs and lows come so fast. I hope this recent burst of enthusiasm doesn’t flame out too quickly. Eventually I’ll get you, double pirouette, just you see.
  • What I really need are some focused goals for my life, but I hesitate to make them.
  • I’m still sad that Stanford lost to Oregon. Now I’m voting for Oregon to sweep so they can go to the BCS championship. But Pac 10 teams always know how to choke for a game. Stanford is still looking pretty strong. I did have a dream that we lost to USC, though. On the other hand, the score was like 165-144, so what do my dreams know about football?
  • Stanford WVB is still cruisin’. I’m a bit sad that I can’t go watch more games this season. Excited that the seniors (Ailes, Klineman, Lichtman) have a shot at the championship this year, now that the Penn State juggernaut has finally become… vincible. Still have to get through the Pac 10 gauntlet, though.
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Ten Years Ago

It’s a little depressing that it’s been ten years since we were applying to colleges. For some reason, a week ago, I thought back to my college admissions essay: http://www.seantime.com/?page_id=641.

Strange how much has changed, yet how much I’ve stayed the same. Life has sucked that youthful energy out of me; those adolescent possibilities and dreams are no longer there. On the other hand, here I am, still searching, still wanting nothing more than contentness — a quiet life with success judged by a different metric.

After a friend read it back in college, he said he was surprised that the admissions committee accepted someone who wrote in his essay that he wanted to be mediocre. Granted, but it sure helps to get a perfect SAT score, make straight As, and fill your spare time with a bunch of extracurriculars, none of which you do anymore ten years later. Although I do miss TKD and violin at times.

The five-year reunion for college is coming up. Seems so odd, especially because I was still in grad school and on campus just a few months ago. But it will be nice to see friends together on campus. Stanford really is a beautiful place.